I met my goal. Annnnd now I’ve set a new goal for myself. Nutso, I know. But I really want to keep going until I’m content with my body. Or at least my stomach. To be honest, I don’t even know if it’s possible. I may just end up with loose skin…which is kind of breaking my heart. I know it’s stupid, but seriously. It’s hard to think that I’ve done all of this to only end up with a still-shitty body. Yes, I’m smaller. Much, much smaller. Even though I don’t feel like it a lot of times. I know I am. I haven’t bought a new pair of jeans in ages. My size 8 jeans are too big, but I have a dress I bought from ASOS last December that is a size 8 and I’m not even close to being able to zip it up. Do any of you buy from there? Do their clothes just run small or what? Because it sucks. So, anyways. The loose skin issue…I’ve talked about it with my mom and she doesn’t see the big deal. The big deal is I’m only 26 years old. I have A LOT of years ahead of me (hopefully…) and I don’t want to spend anymore time hating myself. I’m already about 98% sure I’ll be getting a boob job in the future. Oddly, my mom is sort of supportive of that one…ha. I wish I could be one of those people that just loves their body unconditionally no matter what, but I’m not. I accept it to a certain degree, but like I said - I’m still young. I want to feel desirable and not have all of these issues holding me back.
So much rambling. I feel like whenever I write here it’s just a bunch of word vomit. I’m still in a bit of a depression. It has gotten a litttttle better. Just a little. My ex dumped the girl he ditched me for and the same day texted me at 4am wanting to set up a date for the following week. Of course he did. This is my life, after all. His interest was short-lived, though. I haven’t heard from him in a while and I doubt I will. Probably found someone shiny and new (and looking like a human lollipop/basketball - seriously, the girls he goes for are always way too tan and soooooo grossly skinny).
Ok, seriously. Enough rambling. I might try to update more often…but honestly it’d be a lot of complaining and I kind of hate doing that. I’m going by the BMI chart as to what my new goal is. I know BMI doesn’t mean much, and I may not even stick to it. Really, I’m just going to keep going until I’m happier with my body. Whatever that number is. I would’ve stopped a long time ago had I been happy at 150, 140, etc. Buuuut I wasn’t. And so it goes on and on…
GW: 114lbs (or whenever I am content)
Total amount lost since January 2012: 81.4lbs
I’m also looking for some good workout programs or even just exercises that would help tone me up. I know everyone on Tumblr is all into Insanity, but honestly…I know I wouldn’t stick to it. Yeah, it’s a lame thing to say but I know myself. I won’t enjoy it, and if I don’t enjoy something, I won’t stick to it. I really enjoyed the Brazilian butt workout I was doing, and I’ll probably still do that a few times a week, but something else would be nice, too. So, any suggestions are welcome :)